Driving back from one, of several road trips we've taken in the last year, I finally heard what God has been trying to say to me for decades. I knew it was Him when that undeniable peace and excitement comes rushing in, after a piece of wisdom I've been asking Him to give me for a long time. The wisdom was so good I told my girl that I needed her to text it to me so I would have it to save. Honestly, I knew He was answering more than one of my prayer requests with this wisdom. It's been a while since I really listened for me when I get with Him. It's also been a hot minute since I given Him the pen and let Him speak to me and y'all. I love to sit in front of this laptop and share a message He's given me. I also love to sit in front of the 75" distraction we call our tv.
It's hard to face being refined. It's hard to surrender. It's hard to know that people I love are hurting and all I want for them is Him, His peace, His love...and they don't want to hear it. It's hard for me as a mom to watch my kids struggle and desperately want to save them from the consequences of those choices made. The choices we make in the moments when our minds are seeking life, seeking help and reaching for what this world is offering because we don't know what else to do. Where else to go, Who is there regardless of our choices. Decisions that take us into situations we would never choose in our life if we are walking closely to God.
One of the choices that I had such a hard time with was setting boundaries. I grew up believing boundaries are set by my mom. I grew up in the late 1960's and '70s. In those days there was this unspoken rule about authority and the power it holds. That is important information for each of us to know. We were raised to not question said "authority." In those days authority was anyone my mom told me was my authority. And she was my number one authority. And I am one who questions certain authority, mainly hers of course.
Mom and daughter relationships are hard. We want to grow up and run most of the time. I did. The more boundaries she set for me, the more I pushed passed them. The more I pushed passed them the more she showed her authority over me. Boundaries became something she was in control of in my world. Regardless of how old I got, she still expected to be the one setting my boundaries. So I ran. I ran often and as far as I could get. My parents have saved me from Arizona to Nebraska after me from my running from these boundaries she set. I was chasing my own life. My own boundaries.
As I have gotten to know God and really began building a deep relationship with Him, He's brought the subject of boundaries up. My defintion was so skewed He had to teach me what boundaries are. First, they are not to hurt people, they are to keep myself from hurting people, especially the ones I love. And in the beginning I thought He meant everyone but my mom, as she like to remind me in those times, that honoring my mom was in the Bible. I think she was surprised by me explaining I have to keep myself free of sin and our relationship was a huge catalyst to that. Anne so that i can honor her, i have to stay away. And for years that's how we battled.
I believed that a boundary meant keeping her out of my life, and honestly for some of those seasons it was. When I finally let down my guard about that relationship and gave it to God, really surrendered it, He brought truth into what boundaries are, and why we need them. This brings us to what He shared on that road trip...His message was clear and to the point, the way He knows I understand, and like to receive truth the most.
"Some people find boundaries offensive, they feel rejected by them. But the point of boundaries is to love others in a healthy way for both to feel loved. To love someone while guarding your heart and your lips. It's a way to keep your relationship safe."
When there are moments you know crossing that boundary, can cause unretrievable actions, or words. I personally have done this and had it done to me as well. I've lost friendships that meant the world to me in these times. And one of the most important relationships in my life, a good relationship with my mom.
When I first figured out that it was ok to set boundaries in my relationship with my mom, she struggled to receive them. Her way was always too spew words that cut me to the core. My way was to cut her off completely. I had no idea it was because she didn't know another way to have a relationship. I really didn't care in the times I was shattered on the floor from things she said to me. And in those moments, instead of love running thru my veins, anger and hurt filled every vein in my body.
And in the times I shut her out, I wanted so bad to have her accept me and love me...and I wanted to be myself at the same time. God was trying to show me that I could have both of those things, and the answer was healthy boundaries. My healthy boundaries and His were different and I would still have to accept that my mom might disagree. I had to decide if the healthy relationship was worth the refining that had to take place in my heart and mind. I didn't get to choose how she reacted, I just had to stand firm and love her.
It's been about a couple years, give or take, and she only crossed one of the firm boundaries I set. I didn't fight with her, I didn't give the enemy a single breath to drag me backwards, I simply hung up. And several months later she had a serious medical issue. I went with my great nephew/brother to be there with her. I did not just let go of why I hung up and refused to accept her calls since the last call, I explained to her that she crossed my boundary. I told her i love her and want to have her in my life and be in hers. Then I told her the boundary still stands firm, and pray for us.
She's been pretty sick this last year. We have traveled to spend time with her and love on her everytime we possibly can. On our last visit I had the chance to just sit, just me and her for awhile one night. And it was so nice. Laughing and going deeper than we have, ever. We talked about her fears in this stage of her life. She looked at me with the deepest fear and sadness I have seen in her eyes in a long time, and told me she isn't afraid of dying, she said she has the same fear my Aunt Mary had, it was facing Jesus after all the horrible things she did in her life.
When I heard that, I cried for her. She told me, what if I was too bad and He doesn't let me in? I asked her, mom have you accepted Jesus as your Savior? She said, yes, and I told her, then He already forgave you, He already accepted you. You have to forgive yourself, and trust His promise when you chose to believe. She said she accepted that was true. And yet I left with a prayer on my lips that He would make His Presence known to her in the natural world so she would know. The next day a friend of my great nephew/brother's from high school, came to see her. And she brought her a couple of those little plastic Jesus figures in with her and gave them to my mom.
When I asked God for a Scripture for this message, He held off till after I was done...then He said, "search for when you ask", so I searched and here they are.
John 14:14 ESV
"You may ask Me for anything in My name, and I will do it".
And
1 John 5:14 ESV
And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.
If you think you have done too bad, please know that NO ONE is beyond His love and healing. There isn't a human on this planet He created, that He does not love, only people who don't choose Him won't know that.
