"These" seasons, on repeat?

Sitting in the early morning hours, with just the glow of the TV, my mind is moving from subject to subject. "These" seasons are the biggest battle for me. And on almost any late night, or early morning, I find myself sitting in front of the glow of the TV. I'm not watching what's on, not enough to understand what is happening, it's just the comfort of that glow in "these" seasons. 

This is the routine I find myself in each time I step into "these" seasons. This routine isn't something that was instilled in me, it's something God is building over the span of my life. God's taught me that for my anxiety, a routine is helpful. 

This didn't start out as a routine. It started as nights of insomnia and self destroying talks. With depression so deep and anxiety battles so dark, death would have been welcomed with open arms. Thoughts of leaving all the stress and anxiety behind in this life, become repetitive and hard to fight, until suddenly God shows up in the glow. 

That glow, it's not just any glow. The glow Jesus brings into the midst of "these" seasons and in that glow is perfect comfort. That comfort is one I'm more and more familiar with. 

Jesus meets me in the darkest parts of my life and speaks truth. I'm a lover of truth. I crave truth in every area of my life. I'm not someone who needs truth wrapped up in a pretty paper or bow, or sugar coated. I just want the truth. "These" seasons are filled with truth. Truth that refines away the lies that have kept me lost and hurt. 

"These" seasons require routine now because it's not just a single area He's refining. He's refining several areas at a time now and God is teaching me that a routine will center my focus on Him and allow me to truly surrender. When my mind wanders back to the pain of refining, the glow catches my attention and what God's doing becomes my center again. 

In several places, in His Word,  God tells us our peace comes from Him. True peace ONLY comes from Him. And in "these" seasons He teaches me to cling to that perfect peace with every ounce of surrender i have, because "these" seasons will get much harder the deeper He goes.

I will follow His routine and immerse myself into His peace, as He refined me into His image. 

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7